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Sometimes, I’m debating 22 year old pro-choice women; sometimes I’m comforting 22 year old post-abortive women. If you are reading this and you are 22, that’s the age my aborted daughter would be this year. Women usually count the birthdays of their aborted children and today I decided to post the following on Facebook:

I’m not sharing this to make some people feel uncomfortable. I’m sharing this so that some people know they are not alone.

Fact: my aborted daughter would be 22 and my aborted son 15 years old this year.

No matter how an abortion happened, no matter how it has been rationalized; us who have « chosen » think about it and we count the « ghost birthdays » every year.

Many women hide this secret wound in a corner of their hearts but it’s OK to talk about our children lost to abortion.

There is a reason why we always remember, why we always calculate how old they would be. I’m going to share this again because it gave me a glimpse of hope when I heard it on the radio years ago: “Aborted women are mothers too.”

Our aborted children were persons and we were their mothers. We still are, we will always be mothers, even if no other child is carried or born from us later in life.

The stigma is not where the abortion lobby wants us to believe it is. Dehumanizing our children, reducing us to a mere « body » with a « choice »; telling grieving post-abortive women that they are weak, that they have nothing to feel sad about, that’s stigmatization.

But we have the right to grieve and to heal our wounds.

So, give them a name, count their birthdays, honor their memory.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your lost child.

Know that Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat and many other resources and counselors are available for help.

I’m praying for healing, I’m praying for peace. I’m praying for a world where no woman is made to feel that she *has* to choose legal violence to solve her problems.

+In memoriam Alicia and Gabriel+