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mom baby waterHappy Mother’s Day! My sweet children showered me with cards and drawings this morning. Innocent little people with big hearts! I love them so much…

This being said, I need some time alone. I can’t help but think about my miscarriages and every time I hear: “Mothers, thank you for choosing life!” on this day, it reminds me of my abortions. No, I did not always choose life. I’m not a heroic mom. I’m not a Saint. I chose the easy way out; not freely but still, I made that choice twice.

Don’t get me wrong… I have come a long way since my Pro-Choice days. I have healed, I have grown and I’m able to remember and talk about it without tears or anger. I forgave myself and I know I’m forgiven. But abortion will always be in my history. It can be forgiven but not forgotten.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced the heartbreak of a miscarriage or the trauma of abortion who feels that Mother’s Day is a little off.

While I appreciate motherhood being celebrated today, there is also a little twinge of sorrow in my heart when I think about the motherhood that was “interrupted”; either by nature or by force.

I’m the mother of eight children, even if you can only see four in this world.