On March 8 2000, I was participating in the march for women’s rights in Paris, France. Abortion was the big “right” I was marching for. I was living with the trauma of taking the RU486 pill and flushing blood and baby in the toilet six years earlier. I was also conditioned by society to panic at the thought that abortion might be outlawed, that women might not have “access” to it.
This is what I call abortion-Stockholm Syndrome. You know that abortion is wrong and takes away a piece of your soul. You are against violence and injustice and you were never meant to put yourself and your child through that. Yet, you are clinging to the very thing that poisons your heart and you are thankful for it. You need to survive so you repeat yourself that your “choice” was right and you try your best to block those memories and justify the unjustifiable .
Fourteen years ago, I was marching for abortion and I lived in the constant fear of a positive pregnancy test and re-enacting the scenario I dreaded above all, which is exactly what happened a couple of months later.
After that second abortion, I hit rock bottom and I moved away from Paris. Then in 2004, I met a pro-lifer for the first time and one year later, he became my husband. I was all fearful, angry and broken inside but he saw me with the eyes of love and faith. Thankfully, restoration and recovery from abortion are possible.
Today is March 8 and I’m not marching for abortion anymore. I went to a Pro-Life rally in front of a “women’s health clinic”; a sanitized facility where women’s sacred wombs are broken into and innocent life is torn, evacuated and suppressed.
My husband and our growing family were attending the Pro-Life rally with me. I had our youngest daughter in a baby carrier and I was holding my abortion regret sign. I was there to show the cruel reality, that abortion doesn’t empower us, doesn’t make us equal to men but makes us grieving mothers for the rest of our lives. I continued to wear a “I regret my abortion” button all day, hoping to make a few people think and perhaps start a conversation.
This is International Women’s Day and things have come full circle. As long as I live, I will continue to stand up for women and against abortion because we don’t have to do that to ourselves. We were not meant to destroy life but to love and nurture it.