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belly picWhen some pro-lifers say of an unmarried pregnant woman: “she should have kept her legs closed” and “she must give up the child for adoption because it’s the unselfish/right thing to do”, they remind me of pro-choicers who say: “she is an idiot for not using birth control” and: “she needs to have an abortion to get out of this mess.”

Let us be very clear. Adoption saves lives and abortion destroys them, both the child’s and the mother’s. Birth mothers are my heroes and I wish I had had the information and courage to choose adoption over abortion years ago.

My point is the similarities in the attitude of some pro-lifers and pro-choicers. Neither group of people in my example cares about what the woman needs and wants. Pro-lifers lament that she had pre-marital sex while pro-choicers lament that she had “unprotected” sex. Both groups have their own sexual worldview and quick fix solution to impose on the woman. In the meantime, a life was created that changes many things for the mother.

Of course sex makes babies and I believe in abstinence but I also care about women. I’m pro-life and pro-adoption but I also understand that giving up a child is a hard decision, one that shouldn’t be rushed or pushed on mothers.

I will never tell a woman what she should have done to avoid the pregnancy and  what she should do now to make the visible sign of her sin go away. What do we really know about her circumstances? Is a judgmental attitude helping her or instead pushing her to turn to abortion?

Suggesting that a pregnant woman has to give up her child for adoption to make reparation for premarital sex is no different from the pro-choice mother imposing abortion on her daughter to make reparation for “unprotected sex”. Both attitudes are truly misogynistic and anti-life.

If we are genuinely pro-life and pro-woman, we need to listen to and address the woman’s fears, wants and needs. Our job is to provide science-based information about fetal development, the physical and psychological risks of abortion and life-affirming services available to her, including adoption services, based on her particular situation (she might be in an abusive relationship and need a place to stay.)

Also, if she had a past abortion, our attitude shouldn’t get in the way of her recovery because we might be the only person in her life who knows of a safe place to grieve aborted children (we know that the pro-choice side provides only rationalization, not healing.)

Enough with the “quick fix solution” mentality. Let us be pro-life in humility, not out of pride but out of love for our neighbor. My Christian friends know the rest of this Bible verse: “Love is patient, love is kind…” To which I would simply add that love is always right.