Yesterday I announced my pregnancy on the internet and I am just over one month pregnant. Why did I choose to announce it so soon? Why not wait until the danger of miscarriage period is over, past twelve weeks/three months?
At a young age, I was taught that life is hard, that I must be tough and keep anything that affects me a secret. In that worldview, there is something “empowering” about suffering in silence like a big girl. Whether it was abortion or other events in my life, I enjoyed that isolation in suffering. Yes I was torturing myself and the “spleen” celebrated by my (then) favorite poet Baudelaire was my comfort zone.
During my conversion and my healing process, I have learned to put words on my emotions and to deal with them. I have learned to bring to light the sanctuary of darkness where I was hiding and to take steps to move forward.
Had I been pregnant with “a wanted child” back then, I wouldn’t have told anyone to avoid questions about who is the father etc… Had I been miscarrying, I would have added the stone of that secret failure to my sanctuary and spent hours crying, torturing myself with questions that have no answers.
One year after my wedding, I had a conversation with a mother of four adult children. I was not pregnant then but I was not contracepting either.
My friend’s advice was that, when I find out I am pregnant, to tell my friends and family so that they can pray for me and the baby. Also, if I miscarry, they would know and support me. If I don’t tell anybody that I am pregnant and I miscarry, all of a sudden people would wonder why I look so sad and I wouldn’t want to answer their questions. I would feel that no one understands me.
This is why I’m sharing the news early. Because I don’t want to be isolated anymore. Because I belong to a big, spiritual family and that’s what we do. We pray for one another, we support one another, we rejoice and we cry together. Because, as it is explained in 1 Corinthians chapter 12, we are but one body.