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IMG_2462Yesterday was my thirty eighth birthday. My cycle was odd lately so I decided to take a pregnancy test first thing in the morning, and it was positive! I am still in shock of the news of the pregnancy.

Allow me to clarify: the shock I’m feeling has nothing to do with what this lady expresses on a pregnancy website:

unplanned pregnancy

The best words that come to mind to describe my feelings are those used in Mark 10:32 where the disciples who followed Jesus were amazed and afraid.

I am amazed at God’s forgiveness and love. I have done the worst thing that a mother can do to her children when I decided that they didn’t have the right to live. But God is good and He has  forgiven me for my two abortions and also blessed me with a wonderful husband and three beautiful children (and counting).

Now that I am close to forty, I know that my fertility declines and that my risk of miscarriage increases. I am truly surprised to receive a faint positive line on a pregnancy test as a birthday gift! Every human life is a miracle. How could I not be amazed at this little life growing inside of me?

I am also afraid to make a mistake and damage the precious child that God has entrusted me, either by neglecting my health or by accident.

My husband and I don’t plan our children, we simply welcome them as they come. I enjoy charting my cycle to find out when we conceived (if we conceive) and I call our family planning GWP, God Will Provide.

So I turn to Him because a fourth baby will change our plans for this year a bit. I don’t know if I will be able to be active in the pro-life movement as a speaker, writing this blog and helping post-abortive men and women.

My special birthday gift reminds me of my first vocation, wife and mother and also of my spiritual and most important filiation: I am a child of God.

Now in prayer I thank Him for my special gift and and I trust that He will provide physically, spiritually and materially for our family, all according to His plan.