I was hesitant to share this, especially since Father’s day is this weekend, but all the madness about aborting girls and killing born baby girls moves me to it. I am the second of four daughters and my father always made it clear that he wanted to have boys, not girls.
Before and during a pregnancy, there is nothing wrong with wishing or strongly feeling that you are having a girl or a boy. Some want to know the gender as soon as possible and others (like me) prefer to be surprised at birth.
But telling your daughters over and over that they are inferior to boys and that you wish they had never been born is damaging to them, and to the whole family.
We need to act to protect unborn and born baby girls from gender selection and elimination. My dad is one of those people who would not go as far as killing but rather would carry on a never ending abuse of bringing down and shaming his daughters; causing insecurities, existential anxiety and other disorders.
Being constantly reminded that you are a living, unwanted girl is, in a certain way, worse than a sentence to death.
For this and other reasons, though I respect him and pray for him, I also stay away from my father. I have talked to counselors and Pastors and I do the best I’m capable of in this situation. Forgiveness isn’t one particular event in your life that brings you relief. It is a lifelong process and like love, it is a decision that has to be made every day.
My father is the product of an archaic Mediterranean culture, he has his own issues and circumstances that are between him and his Creator. I am not the judge of his actions but I am writing this as a piece of advice: accept and love your children unconditionally, even if something they (and you) have no power over doesn’t meet your expectations.
I will end this post with a quote from Marcel Pagnol’s Fanny, that I hope I translated accurately: “These little ones take everything from you. But when one is brave, Marius, he doesn’t wait for them to take it, he gives it away.”
“Ces petits-là, ça vous prend tout. Mais quand on est brave, Marius, on n’attend pas qu‘ils vous le prennent, on le leur donne.”