This is the sequel to Then I met the Man. https://400wordsforwomen.com/2012/04/26/then-i-met-the-man/
When I started to date Michael, anti-American sentiments were rising in France. Rumors about 9/11 being orchestrated by the White House and George W. Bush’s negative image had created a hostile atmosphere. One of my coworkers said he would organize a “rescue mission” to bring me back to France if things turned bad with Mon Américain. Taking his advice, I didn’t quit my job “just in case”.
In July 2005, after my visa was denied and then granted, we were able to marry. Marriage was the supreme gift that my sexual partners were denying me. I have learned recently that God uses marriage to sanctify us but Satan was having a jolly good time with me.
I hated going to Church. I hated the time that Michael was spending in prayer. I wanted all his free time focused on ME. Isn’t that why we marry? So that this one person is focused on MY well-being all the time? He was fasting just when I was craving fancy foods and I was greatly offended. I didn’t realize that he was fasting and praying for me.
I was watching a lot of Oprah, Ellen and Dr. Phil shows. I loved the featured stories: sexy makeovers, teachers and mothers in love with schoolboys. Lolita was still my favorite book.
The perspective of being pregnant made me panic: pregnancy meant choice and I couldn’t make that choice again.
I wanted a divorce. I was making up some romantic plans involving a yet unknown lover, to secretly fly back to France. I always had a taste for drama.
Unfulfilled and depressed, I had several people witnessing their Christian Faith to me. Peace was something I had never experienced. I became jealous of those Baptists and Catholics who had Peace. I wanted to know Jesus but I wasn’t worthy. It took months to put into words what hurt me and to accept forgiveness. My husband’s faith, love and patience have been key in my conversion.
Sometimes I ask Michael: “Why me? You could have married a good Catholic girl”. He replies that he didn’t know any girl who was doing volunteer work. And this professed atheist was volunteering in her community. He says he saw a beautiful heart through the thorns and the fake roses. He never doubted that God had destined the angry atheist for the gentle Catholic.
To be continued: Two become one https://400wordsforwomen.com/2012/05/29/two-become-one/