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People usually ask pregnant women: #1 Is it your first? #2 When are you due? #3 Do you know what you are having? Answering #2 and #3 for the zillionth time is certainly annoying and to some women, answering #1 can be a challenge.

I have struggled with that question during my third pregnancy, which seen from the outside, was my first. Answering “yes” always gave me a feeling of shame and of not being honest. Do other people create my feelings of guilt and shame? Is it their fault if one simple question is making me feel bad? Of course not and I can’t blame them for being curious or caring about me.

When you are expecting after abortion, you don’t want to share your story with strangers. Being pregnant, you are on a hormonal roller coaster and you need to focus on your well-being and on the baby’s. I can’t speak for my sisters after a  miscarriage (though they are very much in my prayers) but I am sure that it is painful for them to answer that question too.

People who oppose abortion are accused to push guilt on women. Pro-abortion folks want us to believe that women would feel great about abortion if pro-lifers weren’t expressing their theories of “good and evil”. They are the bad guys who judge others and are creating the bad feelings in women.

Women don’t feel great about abortion because it is an act of destruction and destruction is evil. Even the unbeliever that I was couldn’t find anything noble, good or fulfilling in abortion. Our society is telling us that in many cases abortion is “the right thing to do” yet it feels wrong when you do it.

After the “unwanted” has been dealt with and it’s time for the “wanted pregnancy”, you realize that your decision making hasn’t made you a powerful woman. As singer Dolores O’Riordan puts it: “every time a woman has an abortion, it just crushes her self-esteem smaller and smaller and smaller.”

What should we answer about our post abortion pregnancies? First we need to find the courage to face our past and to seek help (scroll down “abortion recovery” on this blog). Once we are reconciled with ourselves, with others and God, things fall into place. You know that you are recovering when your T-shirt reads: “Due date: October 20th. Gender: unknown. Thanks for asking.”