I am one of many people who have gone from pro-choice to pro-life. When a local newspaper published my letter against the federal funding of abortion, commenters called me a hypocrite for “using my right to choose and then trying to deny it to other women”. I understand that changing sides can be hard to comprehend, especially for those who can’t imagine a world without legal abortion.
If this is your case, I trust that you are a compassionate and tolerant person and I hope that you will listen to the reasons why I changed my mind.
For many people, abortion is about the “right to choose” but abortion is not a human right. It is not a guarantee of our Freedom as a people. It can’t be compared to the right to vote or the right to free speech. Besides, neither in my pro-choice days nor now, have I found anything fulfilling, glorious or uplifting in the forcible ending of a pregnancy. And unlike access to clean water, abortion is not necessary for our survival. (see here for abortion in the case of rape and here for the health of mother).
Also, the fact that abortion is legal doesn’t make it moral. If it were the case, then everything that happened under the Third Reich would be morally acceptable because it was legal. Now I’m sure that even “abortion on demand without apology” folks would disagree with that and recognize that the Nazi regime, with all its (legal) atrocities, was morally wrong.
But why do some pro-choicers have a radical change of opinion on abortion?
Firstly, abortion is violent. Let’s take a look at the picture above. It reads: “If you take away a woman’s right to choose, what will she turn to?” (with the outline of an unborn baby made out of a twisted coat hanger). The message is clear: “my child is my enemy I am going to use violence to deal with him/her”. This is certainly not a peaceful response to a crisis situation. Note that the message doesn’t say: “to whom will she turn” but “to what”. Has our society become this desperately individualistic that, in our hour of need, we are expected to turn to things instead of turning to people? Interestingly, Planned Parenthood director Mary Calderone published an article about illegal abortions pre-Roe v. Wade and wrote that 90% of illegal abortions were performed by physicians.
Often pro-choicers are anti-death penalty, anti-guns, anti-war and anti-violence. I used to be all of the above (and still am) except that I am against violence in the sanctuary of the womb as well.
In the past, I wasn’t educated about the violence of “choice”. I wanted to know as little as possible about it and wished I could erase the blood tainted memories of my abortions. And although I took biology classes, I was willfully ignorant about when human life begins.
The fact that I was in abusive relationships and received violence in return for love, has probably contributed to view the fetus as a lifeless, disposable thing. After all, my life didn’t have much value either.
In America where abortion laws are very liberal, poverty and child abuse-related-deaths are at a record high. Clearly, forty years of legalized abortion have not suppressed poverty and have not created happy, loving families of “wanted” children.
But the main reason why pro-choicers can’t justify “choice” any longer and change sides is because abortion is bad for women.
To understand this, imagine that you experienced a traumatic event with your consent. In fact, you even paid for it. You were told that it was the sensible thing to do to solve your problem.
For a short period of time, you are feeling relieved. Then you try to go back to your “pre-problem” life but something is broken. What’s wrong with you? You don’t seem to enjoy life like you used to. There is this thing that happened, but you don’t want to go there. Life is tough and like the Phoenix, you always rise from the ashes. And yet, something is “off” but you can’t put your finger on it.
Time goes by and you have been feeling numb and broken for many years. You have recently met people who have something peaceful about them.You too, want to know peace. But first, you have to face and own that “thing” that you have refused to acknowledge for too long. It is incredibly hard to look at your reflection on the walls of this tunnel but you can see a light in the distance and it gives you hope.
Now that you have connected the dots with your abortion and that your wounds start to heal, naturally, you want to share your experience with others and offer alternatives to those contemplating abortion. Learning from our mistakes doesn’t make us hypocritical, especially when we share our experience out of compassion and with reasoning.
When I was pro-choice, I didn’t know about research on coerced/forced abortion, life long consequences and suicide. I never knew that so many women regretted their abortions (thousands of testimonies are available online.) My favorite news outlet never reported abortion related injuries and death.
I am against abortion not because I want to control women’s bodies or deny them human rights but because abortion is a failure and instead of throwing vulnerable women the abortion bone, we should try to meet their needs with food, shelter, free prenatal/post natal care, parenting classes, diapers, counseling, mentoring etc…
Often I think about the right to privacy as the duty to be isolated with your dirty secret. This is how it feels to have an abortion in this abortion-on-demand culture. To better serve women, it is important to understand why they have recourse to abortion. We need to listen, to identify their needs and support them. Because this is what compassion is really about.
I hope that my readers will forgive me for breaking the “400 words” rule. Sometimes it takes one picture and one thousand words to express what is in your heart and mind.
in no way or form may the government tell anyone what they can or cannot do with their body. If you lose this right then what the hell is free anymore? stop regulating and telling the American people, we are here because of subjects like this, not here to debate the obvious.
Thank you for your comment Chris. Are you saying that ex-pro-choicers want to regulate people’s lives by opposing abortion? The point of this article is to show that abortion has failed to keep its promises of “quick fix for the pregnancy problem”. We want what is good for women, don’t you? (and forgive me if I misunderstood your statement).
Your argument disproves itself, Chris. The government, by making abortion legal, takes away the preborn infant’s rights to “what they can or cannot do with their body.” You can’t claim bodily autonomy as your chief argument for only one person and not for another, just because of the person’s size or viability. That argument is a round robin, has been around and beaten like a dead horse. The most you can do is have YOU, Chris, decide randomly when a person starts having bodily rights/personhood. Any point after conception would be your random determination. I for one am not ready to give you or me or the government that much power, as the judges during the time of Roe apparently did. As for debating the obvious, let me point out the obvious to you: if you do not have the right to life, then all other rights are meaningless, as they all obviously are contingent on one, in fact, being alive.
Strawman. We’re talking about what a woman may or may not do with the body of her unborn child, who is genetically distinct, unique human being with the right to life.
Chris it will be exactly what you mentioned: HELL!
Could you elaborate, Gail? I can tell you that I had a taste of Hell and it started the minute I sold my soul to abortion.
Thank you, Beatrice, for expressing what so many of us feel. I was never pro-choice, but knew that I was doing something very wrong. However, I was coerced and had no one to support me in any way at all. I am now a RC for SIlent No More. God bless you and keep you in His love, my sister!
Thank you Cathy for your comment and thank you for the courage to speak up against abortion. God Bless You.
ah yes, the dreaded hypocrite..something many of us, before our healing, felt like we had no right to be pro life,but the truth is, we more than anyone else know the truth about abortion and have a right to speak. They are our children that died and we are the ones who went through the experience…thanks for a great article Beatrice!!
Thank you Theresa, and thank you for all you do to help post-abortive parents.
No, not a hypocrite, change of heart. There’s a difference. It’s like someone who doesn’t think about cancer until they get it. Then that person is suddenly thrown into a cause. No different here. I hope this makes sense.
It does, thank you Margaret!
No more a hypocrite than a recovering alcoholic/addict who wants to spare others the hell he/she has gone through.
Well stated. Thanks!
Than you ladies for sharing your experiences! Beatrice thank you for sharing your story, you know first hand how much women suffer after an abortion, thanks for sharing with other women! I will pray for you all and for the unborn, I pray for a day in our country when the unborn have the same rights as our pets, protection! May God’s love continue to heal you, provide you much courage to continue to speak out against this horrible American Holocaust! God Bless you all! Carmen
Thank you Carmen, especially for the prayers. God Bless You too!
What bravery it must take to own what you now see as a huge mistake! I fear too many do not speak up or take a stand because they are afraid of being seen as hypocrites. I hope your article will encourage everyone to speak for the unborn or speak out for the atrocities taking place every day. May God Bless You!
Thank you for your kind comment Hannah. God Bless you too.
Thank you, Beatrice, for your witness. I experienced a crisis-pregnancy but, thankfully, I was surrounded by people that made sure I knew there was more than one “option” and I chose to place for adoption. I coudn’t have done that without the people on the front lines like the counselors and those running and volunteering at the pregnancy care center I went to for help. It shaped my life and I spend it helping young women to see they are not alone. Thank you for your gift of words (even if it was over 400
) and I will pray for you!
Kelly, thank you for sharing your story. I admire your courage for having your child despite the abortion culture and helping others. God Bless!
Im not a woman so maybe this isn’t my argument, but you have to remember that what may hold true for you may not be the case for another woman in the same situation. Just because you didn’t like the outcome, it wouldn’t be fair to take another person’s right to choice.
Austin, I call myself a pro-life feminist but feminist doesn’t mean misandrystic. Why don’t men have a say in a case of unplanned pregnancy? It takes two to conceive a child and what you call the right to choice is simply putting all the responsibly on the woman’s shoulders. Besides, the article is not about one isolated person’s feelings. Please go to http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/testimonies/index.aspx and read a few of the thousands of testimonies of women who have used their “right to choose”. Abortion doesn’t make you go back in time to separate the sperm from the egg. It destroys the child and damages the mother. I don’t wish to anybody, even my worst enemy to have an abortion.
Speaking up doesn’t take away a woman’s choice, it helps her make an informed choice. The abortion clinics do not give a woman facts about fetal development, they tell her it isn’t a baby, it’s a “product of conception” or merely “tissue and bone”. Do you know anyone who isn’t a product of conception or made up of merely tissue and bone? I use to send my hotline callers a copy of the Planned P. contract and instruct them to read the fine print on the back, something they rarely, if every do. There are so many possible consequences and side effects listed and they give percentages of women who they say have these problems . I would then multiply out the percentages they gave giving the actual numbers that is for the amount of abortions being done. It is a LOT of women suffering these things. They also say that when you sign it you are giving them permission to despose of the prodcuts of conception in anyway they wish. They can and do sell this to companies for various commercial and scientific uses. Also, they say you are signing away your right to sue them if something goes wrong. Mu husband is a lawyer, he says you cannot sign away your rights tp hold them accountable for the harm or poor medical practices that harm you. But. few woman realize this and because they signed this they think they can’t sue. If you went to a doctor or a car dealer and they lied to you, mislead you or harmed you would you not warn others of this? If you wouldn’t you wouldn’t be a nice person at all.
Thank you for your comment. Having experienced both medical and surgical abortions, I don’t know what is more horrific, to flush your own baby in the toilet or to never know what happened to the tiny, broken body. These are things that many women have to live with, the horrible visual memories and the horrible questions that have no answers. There is nothing dignifying about abortion.
Thank you, Beatrice, for telling your story as a warning to others. I do not believe you are in the least bit hypocritical. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, what hope is there for us or for those making the same mistakes? With so many dangerous lies and deceptions coming from the pro- choice lobby and so much damage being done to women, not to mention their children, we all need to speak up on this matter. You, with your personal perspective, give an intensely powerful message. If only one person hears this and acts on it you will have achieved something great but I hope and believe that many women will be rescued from misery by your courage in relating your experiences. I know it can’t have been easy and you probably knew already that you would be attacked for it.
God takes the bad in our lives and brings something good from it! Bless you for co-operating with that and not just turning away and keeping quiet.
Thank you for your kind words Margaret. God Bless You!
Thank you for telling your story. I hope this encourages others to remember that there is another little person involved in the choice of whether to abort or not. They need to be protected and women need to be supported so that they can give birth rather than death. My heart aches for both victims in an abortion.
Blessings ~ Wendy
Thank you for stopping by, Wendy! God Bless!
You’re reading every post and responding. That fact alone shows your compassion and dedication to your readers. Well done! And may God bless you on your road to healing and forgiveness. In Him Life Wins!
Thank you for your support Darren! God Bless You.
You’re brave for sharing your story, women who choose abortion or don’t choose abortion should always and continue to share their stories. But your story is your own, your experiences do not speak to the experiences of others. For the thousands that regret their choice, there are thousands that do not, there are thousands that felt relief afterwards. There are women who were already parents who chose to have abortions to keep their families out of poverty, to be able to provide children the love and care that they need.
I come from a country where abortion is illegal and I have seen first hand the horror and disastrous effects of not having abortion legal. There are women in this country as well who will speak to the consequences of having abortion illegal.
Further more, many organizations such as Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, UN Women and others have documented, researched, and stated how a lack of access of healthcare and abortion for women puts women at a great disadvantage. Not being able to control when we become mothers puts women in a vulnerable position and effects them negatively, not just in the United States, but all over the world. This isn’t a liberal conspiracy to make money off of abortion – it’s a fact, proven over and over again. Look at studies from all over the world. Human Rights Watch reports are free to download on their website. Read them.
The fact that you were uninformed about abortion is a tragedy that too many prolife and prochoice women are victims of. People simply aren’t educated about their options. We need to educate men and women on all the choices available and provide accurate information. You mention forced abortion but fail to acknowledge that forced abortions are in direct opposition to what any informed prochoice woman believes in. I personally know women, as I’m sure most people do, who were in abusive relationships and marriages, some of those women chose abortions when they needed to because it was right for them, others chose to keep the pregnancy. Those that are forced to do either had their rights violated and were abused. Forcing a women to keep or terminate a pregnancy is abuse. Forcing a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term or forcing a woman to terminate a pregnancy she didn’t want to terminate is the antithesis of “choice”. Outlawing abortion because there are some who abuse and coerce is not an answer or solution.
In 2004 Eleanor Cooney wrote a piece that described what the United States was like for women prior to Roe v Wade called “The Way It Was” (it’s definitely worth reading, if you google the name of it it’ll come up, it’s a piece in Mother Jones). Cooney very accurately says “Women of all kinds seek and have always sought abortion: married, single, in their twenties, thirties, and forties, teenagers. Some have no children, some have several already. Some never want children, some want children later. They are churchgoers, atheists, agnostics. They are morally upright pillars of the community, they are prostitutes. They’re promiscuous, they’re monogamous, they’re recent virgins. They get pregnant under all kinds of circumstances: consensual sex, nonconsensual sex, sex that falls somewhere between consensual and nonconsensual. Some are drunk or using drugs, some never even touch an aspirin. Some use no birth control, some use birth control that fails.”
Outlawing abortion simply creates a dangerous environment for women. This isn’t something that needs to be debated, this nation’s history pre-Roe v Wade is testimony in itself.
When a woman has an unwanted pregnancy, she will go to any means to terminate it. Take Ireland for example where abortion is and has been illegal. That doesn’t and hasn’t stopped women from getting abortions. Cooney goes on to add, “A society that does not accept the facts is a childish society, and a society that makes abortion illegal—and I believe that the PBAB is a calculated step in exactly that direction—is a cruel and backward society that makes being female a crime. It works in partnership with the illegal abortionist. It puts him in business, sends him his customers, and employs him to dispense crude, dirty, barbaric, savage punishment to those who break the law. And the ones who are punished by the illegal abortionist are always women: mothers, sisters, daughters, wives.”
Thank you Saira for your thoughtful and long response to the article. I will try to address each point.
Did you read the medical article authored by a Planned Parenthood director when abortion was illegal pre-Roe v. Wade? She makes it clear that 90% of illegal abortions were provided by physicians in safe conditions. Besides, penicillin has been around for almost 70 yearsand it has been widely used to prevent infection.
Post Abortion Traumatic Syndrome is real and it is complex. Many post-abortive women become pro-choice advocates as a coping mechanism. I acknowledge the feeling of relief but it is temporary. It typically takes10 years to develop feelings of regret. There has been research about it. I recommend Dr. Burke’s book Forbidden Grief.
Where are you from, by the way?
I absolutely agree that women turn to abortion out of despair, not out of Choice. After the abortion, they are still abused and poor. We need to help them to get out of the abusive relationships and poverty, which abortion doesn’t address.
Abortion doesn’t make mothers more loving for the surviving children. On the contrary, it fosters a mentality of violence and abuse. It might not be the women’s intention but studies prove that post abortive women are more abusive.
It would be convenient if there was only one isolated case but there are 10 000 plus women (and a few men) on Silent No more Awareness’s website expressing an abortion regret. Not to mention 5267 declarations signed on Operation Outcry’s website. This is not anecdotal evidence, it is an epidemic Can you cite an organization with thousands of post-abortive women praising abortion? Advocating for abortion is one thing but are there organizations of women who love abortion, and share with others how awesome it is?
“Not being able to control when we become mothers” See the link on the side for Natural Family Planning methods. Look up NaPro Techology. There are different methods that are in use, around the world, to know your body and find out when you ovulate, then abstain from sex on those days. It is safe, efficient and no one gets hurt. I have been having lactation amenorrhea for 12 months. It is is considered a natural method of birth control. (I wish more women knew their bodies and “own” their cycles instead of relying on harmful chemicals and invasive procedures).
After what I read about the Philippines, a shortage of trained birth attendants is causing maternal death. But how is abortion going to solve this problem? If they need more doctors and build more hospitals, then that is the answer. I am familiar with the organizations you are mentioning and I know how they “count” unsafe abortion. According to the World Health Organization, illegal abortion (even performed in decent medical conditions and not causing injury) count as unsafe abortion. See here how they manipulate the data to suit their agenda: http://www.lifenews.com/2009/06/26/int-1245/
I absolutely agree that forced pregnancy and forced abortion are both wrong. However, the only persons capable of forcing a pregnancy on a woman are the abusive man who impregnated her and maybe abusive members of her family. Volunteers who give their time and money to provide pregnant women with decent options are not forcing anything on anyone.
About Eleanor Cooney’s piece, of course abortion touches everyone, no one is denying that. Because of my involvement with Silent no More, I have come to meet all kind of women, young, old, religious or not… who had one or several abortions. In her article, Cooney is arguing against the partial birth abortion ban (PBAB). Are you familiar with partial birth abortion? It seems that according to her, opposing abortion at 9 months of pregnancy is going to bring us backward and victimize women.
Can you imagine the agony of going through a birth-abortion? Being in induced labor for 1 or 2 days and giving birth while your baby is being killed? What about the health risks, the mental anguish? Are we women supposed to numb our feelings? In a first trimester abortion, it’s easy to deny the baby’s humanity but going through birth and abort? What would anyone want to sell this to women as a valid option?
If that is not going back to barbaric times, then I don’t know what is.
Okay so my counter points (brace yourself, this is long).
You are again simplifying your experiences or others experiences to the entire experience of abortion. From what you’re implying, and correct me if I’m wrong, all women regret abortion… which is false. You said you’ve spoken with women who regret their abortions, along those same lines, I’ve spoken with women who have not. I’m talking about some women who had abortions 20-25 years ago and others who had theirs within the last decade. Again, you cannot apply the experience of some (and when talking about abortions, 10,000 is a low percentage when you consider how many women per year get abortions. This does not mean I’m dismissing their experiences) and make it a definitive overall experience.
Post Abortion Traumatic Syndrome: I’m not going to get into a debate about what exists or what doesn’t exist when it comes to what women experience. However, I will say that if you’re going to talk about this you cannot ignore that the same hand there are also millions who suffer from Post-Partum Depression as well (port-partum is the most common complication of pregnancy). If you are going to argue that abortion is violent and hurtful to women you must also acknowledge that along those very same lines so is pregnancy– physically and mentally.
You speak of women who regret their abortions, have you ever spoken to a woman who was forced to carry a pregnancy to term? Have you ever met a woman who had children she didn’t want but had no choice in the matter? There are thousands of these women to match the thousands that regret their abortions and the millions that do not. For example, in Pakistan (which is where I am from), I’ve met women who have been forced to have 10-15 children that they didn’t want and couldn’t afford. I’ve spoken with women in the United States who were forced to keep children of rape because they couldn’t afford an abortion (also, you should note that forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy is not only emotionally damaging to her but also has serious impacts on the fetus). The story that stands out the most in my mind, though, is one of a woman who had 5 children in a span of 7 years. The latter two of whom she didn’t want. She now suffers from depression and anxiety. As I said before, forcing a woman to do either is abuse and mentally and physically damaging.
You say that women who get abortions are more likely to abuse their children. This is something that I’m hearing for the first time and in all honesty, I’d like to see these studies, who conducted them, the history of the subjects—for example, were they abusive before they had abortions? Were they abused themselves as children? These are all things that must be considered and often aren’t by people who want to get specific results. Take Priscilla Coleman, for example. In 2009 she published a study that said abortion causes depression. Upon closer inspection by the Journal of Psychiatric Research though it was discovered not only were there statistical problems with the study but also “ the original researchers included mental health ailments not only after abortion, but all across the life span, making it impossible to know whether the psychological problems came before or after the procedure.”
“This is not a scholarly difference of opinion; their facts were flatly wrong. This was an abuse of the scientific process to reach conclusions that are not supported by the data,” study researcher Julia Steinberg, an assistant professor in the University of California, San Francisco’s department of psychiatry, said in a statement. “The shifting explanations and misleading statements that they offered over the past two years served to mask their serious methodological errors.”
On that token, there are indeed studies that show that women who get abortions are more likely to be victims of domestic violence which makes sense when you consider that abused women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancies.
What it comes down to is that abortion isn’t the problem here, it’s a society where women are at a disadvantage, where women are abused, where women don’t have access to contraception, where women aren’t given a choice over their bodies and motherhood. You can strive to help these women and change these circumstances without eliminating abortion as an option and forcing women to lose control over their own bodies.
As far as poverty is concerned, I personally have never said that abortion gets women out of poverty but it surely keeps many from falling below the poverty line. A personal example of one of the many women I know who have had abortions: I know a woman who was in an abusive relationship from which she had one child. She was able to leave her abusive husband and was living on her own and supporting her child. She made just enough to put a roof over her child’s head and food in its belly (I’m using it here to keep the sex of the child confidential). Shortly after leaving her abusive marriage she found out she was pregnant. From the very moment she discovered she was pregnant she knew did not want another child nor could she afford to have another child. If abortion had been illegal she would have fallen below the poverty line and would have had to give up her apartment. She had no health insurance and couldn’t afford prenatal care. It’s very likely, she says, that she would have had to gone back to her abusive husband for financial support and that with two children, it’s unlikely she would have been able to leave again. Luckily, she lives in a country where abortion is legal and several years later she has a great job, her child is doing great (in the 90% percentile of its age, very smart, and very loved) and she still says she has absolutely no regrets.
And yes there are websites dedicated to women speaking about their abortions and how they’ve helped them (One of many: http://www.thanksabortion.com ). There are articles and comments as well. People don’t go around saying “abortions are awesome” because women who get abortions are often treated with contempt. We’ve been taught that it’s shameful and that these women are sluts and disgraces. But trust me, there are hundreds of thousands of women that are relieved and glad that they had abortions when they did. On that same token, there are hundreds of thousands of women who are relieved that didn’t have abortions. I’ll post some links for you at the end. In the meantime:
“Some women mourn either their abortion or the fact that their circumstances meant that they had to have an abortion. Some women do not mourn their abortion or their circumstances. Some women experience deep gratitude for their abortion, and even a gratitude to the child they didn’t have for never being born. And some people who have abortions are not women.
There are strategic narratives deployed over which a multitude of gorgeous, fractured, layered, desperate, joyous and despairing real lived experiences cannot be easily laid. People are still reaching for them, because they are accessible to us; these narratives tell us how to tell our own stories. “When you tell about your abortion, tell them you are so sorry it had to happen.” Yes, if you feel that way, do. Tell me everything. I am listening to you with all of my heart. But don’t make your story everyone’s story. So few of us have a platform from which we can be heard, please be generous and say, “Here is my story, now tell me yours.” Allow us to belong to one another.”
And finally, late-term abortion. As you and I both know, late-term abortions take place in the third trimester. When a woman has reached the third trimester she isn’t getting an abortion because she suddenly decided that she didn’t want to keep the pregnancy but because there have been serious complications endangering her own health or the fetuses. I don’t think ANYONE ANYWHERE denies that it is a traumatic experience and if there are those that say so, shame on them- these are pregnancies that were wanted and were aborted because of circumstances out of anyone’s hands. I think it’s very irresponsible to use third trimester abortions as a way of demonstrating how awful and hurtful abortion is. If a third trimester abortion is dangerous and painful so it giving birth to a child only to watch it die. I don’t know how anyone would want to sell a woman that option either. But unfortunately these are times we live in—pregnancy has always been dangerous for women and it still is in the United States. Sometimes wanted pregnancies need to be aborted very late (these are women who were setting up nurseries and having baby showers) and sometimes those women choose to give birth and then stay with the baby as it dies. Either way, it’s mental anguish and either way it’s none of our business.
The reason why I posted Cooney’s article wasn’t to debate about late-term abortion (even though it’s 8 years old) it’s because she explains very clearly that a world without abortion is a dangerous world for women. She also acknowledges that many, if not most, women had okay experiences with illegal abortions—that is they were done and there were no complications. BUT if you’re going to count the women that have regretted their abortion, then it is imperative to count the women that did suffer or die from illegal abortions prior to Roe v Wade. If legal abortion is dangerous for some women, illegal abortion is dangerous for some as well—cherry picking one or the other for the sake of arguments and opinion is equally dangerous for women because it continues to spread misinformation. Every woman’s experience with pregnancy and with abortion is different; taking away our choice for either is taking away our autonomy.
Of course, we could go back and forth forever with our arguments for or against without changing each other’s minds at all. We’ve both seen and experienced different things and talked to women that have seen and experienced different things, I think what we can both agree on is that women need a lot more than what is being offered to them right now. With domestic violence and rape statistics still very high, let’s both hope for the best for all women everywhere.
And I just realized that I never actually said anything about your blog title. Personally for me, a woman who was pro-choice and then becomes pro-life after an abortion is not a hypocrite; she’simply changed her opinion. There are people though who call themselves pro-life, get abortions while they are pro-life, and then continue to call themselves pro-life, those are people that I would call hypocrites.
Some reading:
http://www.thanksabortion.com/
http://ihadanabortion.org
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/i-had-an-abortion/
http://therumpus.net/2012/08/explicit-violence/ (I warn you this one is a pretty painful piece to read)
http://abortiongang.org/2012/08/i-know-women-who-are-glad-that-they-had-an-abortion/
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/10/12/paul_ryan_s_debate_bean_moment_vp_candidate_s_story_is_not_universal.html
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2011/06/10/happy-abortioncatholic-womans-guiltfree-story
http://www.womenonweb.org/listpublish-569-en.html?q_keyword=51
http://www.uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUFeature/Remarkable2.html
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Had-An-Abortion/1527702
Thank you for all the websites, I will check them out.
With five pregnancies and three live births, I am familiar with pregnancy and its possible complications. This pregnancy website lists 7 most common complications (PPD is not one of them). http://www.babycenter.com/0_7-pregnancy-complications-to-watch-out-for_10316818.bc
You are asking me to acknowledge that pregnancy is as violent and hurtful as abortion. While big changes occur during pregnancy, both for the body and the mind, you just can’t compare the two. I copy and paste a definition found on this website:
“Pregnancy is a natural condition that usually causes little discomfort provided the woman takes care of herself and gets adequate prenatal care.” http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Pregnancy+%28humans%29
Child abuse: Please follow the link in my article, it shows that in America, 5 children a day die because of child abuse, the highest number in developed countries. In addition, one study found that the women who had had abortions were 144% more likely to abuse their living children then women who had not had abortions. (study no longer available online): Priscilla K. Coleman (the same researcher that you talked about), Charles D. Maxey, Vincent M. Rue, and Catherine T. Coyle, “Associations between voluntary and involuntary forms of pregnancy loss and child maltreatment among low-income mothers,” Acta Paediatrica 94, 2005.
I don’t think that personal anecdotes are relevant but, since you asked:
- yes I know at least one woman who was forced by her boyfriend to have a baby. She is happy now though.
-I have friends who have been raped and had abortions and regret it. (Email me your address and I’ll send you a copy of a study of victims of sexual assault who were pregnant, had abortions and wish they had kept their baby because the abortion created a new trauma on top of the rape trauma).
-I have friends with 10 and more children and each child was neither “unwanted”, nor “wanted” but welcome, by both parents.
The concept of “children that people “don’t want and can’t afford” sounds very American, Western civilization. How is the culture in Pakistan? Are children traditionally perceived as a blessing or a curse?
One thing in the sentimental paragraph that you quoted is standing out: “mourning the circumstances”. We don’t mourn our circumstances, we mourn people. The whole point of the abortion debate is this: if the unborn child is indeed human and alive then abortion is wrong because it takes a life.
I am familiar with all of yours arguments and if I had time I could go on and on but please understand that I am a mother and I can’t spend too much time online to address a long list of points.
Please email me specific questions and make specific, concise points, to discuss one subject at a time and I’ll be more than happy to answer. Take care. Bea beatrice.silentnomore@gmail.com
What Saira says values many different experiences, including the one stated in the post. Guilting people for choices (even ones we mourn in some way and agree were not ideal) can be just as harmful as ‘letting’ them go through with a painful choice. I agree that
“Every woman’s experience with pregnancy and with abortion is different; taking away our choice for either is taking away our autonomy.
…I think what we can both agree on is that women need a lot more than what is being offered to them right now. With domestic violence and rape statistics still very high, let’s both hope for the best for all women everywhere,”
and I think we can all agree on that.
I appreciate your bravery, Beatrice, and your compassion for women whom you hope will not have to endure what you did. I feel the same.
http://feelinggoodfeminism.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/isupportwomen/
Blessings, all. Let’s keep directing our energy toward positive ways to support women.
Thank you Sparksforme for your kind words and I want to thank you and Saira for not condemning women who change their opinion on abortion. I appreciate the open mindedness.
I understand that some women don’t express feelings of regret for their abortion and no one can push on them feelings that they don’t have. We are all different and even if I see a tendency in many, many women to regret their abortion, I agree that it is not all women.
I’ve read and watched many abortion stories, both pro-life and pro-choice. I have never come across an abortion story of a cold hearted, detached woman who was going to get some random procedure done at the clinic. The abortion experience is human as much as we are. Take care, Beatrice
I am post-abortive and I can tell you that the hypocrisy tag is a double edged sword wielded by way too many people in error. It is not hypocrisy to tell others, “I have been where you are considering going, and I can tell you from personal experience, that’s a ride you don’t want to sign up for and these are all the reasons why…” Earlier in my life, I would have argued that hypocrisy would instead be someone who says “I would never personally have an abortion, but I would never stand in the way of someone else exercising the right to have one”. Now I realize that statement is not one of hypocrisy, but of mis-placed perspective. Someone who has never experienced the wounds associated with any other traumatic experience like rape, or child abuse, or attempted murder etc but would defend their “right” to choose the consequences of these acts is obviously misguided. Rape and child abuse and attempted murder are all things that some people have gone through and need physical, emotional and spiritual healing from in order to come to a place of peace and well-being. the people who commit these actions on another person are rightfully prosecuted for exercising their power of choice in this way because their choices inflicted harm on another person. There is no difference in reality between these actions, only in the perception of whose rights are being violated and what consequences we are defending.
now that I know the consequences of my choice to abort my child and can testify that this is not something I would ever wish on someone else, I am able to stand and speak with educated perspective to warn those who simply don’t know what they are defending as a right. you don’t have to jump from a building without a parachute and go through the recuperation and healing from the resultant injuries to tell others not to jump from a building without a parachute and that it is harmful to them even if it’s legal for them to do so. But if you have survived the experience, and lived to warn others about the dangers, that is not being a hypocrite – that’s being self-less.
Please be careful what you defend as a right – and who you label a hypocrite without walking in the consequences of those “rights”.
Tracy, thank you so much for sharing this story and helping others. Someone commented on Facebook: ‘Dr. Laura Schlessinger used to say, a hypocrite says, “Do as I say, not as I do.” But a teacher says, “Do as I DO, not as I DID.”
Thank you, Beatrice, for a thoughtful and brave commentary on the changes a woman goes through after an abortion, and a clear description of post-abortion stress. I am Silent No More as well, and I think this article would do much good to be read by the pro-life community also. I regularly run into the shocked, frozen face when I say I am post-abortive. The face that says “I can’t believe I’m talking to someone who had an abortion, how could she have done such a horrible thing?” As if they didn’t already know post-abortive women; women who are suffering in silence, for fear of being judged and ostracized.
That is the best message of SIlent No More: there is healing. Shame doesn’t have to rule your life. You can have the joy God planned for you. You can hold your head up. There is hope.
Thank you Laura for your words and thank you for being Silent No More. God Bless You, sister.
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